I really wonder what jail would be like?

Would you just wait out your sentence and then be so relieved to breathe fresh air again, but knowing that you will never be able to do what you wanted to do and will probably end up spending the rest of your life doing what you did to get into jail in the first place? That was just about the worst run on sentence written! How would you feel being in jail? I mean at least you would kind of have a purpose and have something to wait for. What are we waiting for? Death? That doesn't seem like a good enough reprieve. I guess jailers wait for death too, it just seems like they are also waiting for something bigger or better. I wonder how many have actually changed due to their sentence? This is what hits me at 1 a.m. which makes me wonder.

Any who, I just had a pleasant evening. although now I have a bunch of cleaning to do and get over with it would be nice if the boys would help, but lets be serious.... So a lot of junk to clean up and scrub.... I went troll hunting with my brother which turned out to be quite amusing (Troll is my brothers GF) So we drove around trying to find my little bro which was a bust so we came home and so did he an hour later :D

I love how certain things can hit you with such passionate emotions and others can have no effect whatsoever. The phrase: a smile settled upon their face makes me feel so passionate for this certain smile! I'm not sure I am fully understood when I speak of these things and probably frowned upon. I kinda wish I was a kid again so I could not understand such feelings and turn a blissful eye to these magnificent phrases. I really miss it.
I think my mind has gotten older and now is becoming gross and old. I think too much and I know it and I wish I could stop. I really would like too. I dream about the same thing every night and I cannot help to think about it even though I know I shouldn't be. Maybe tonight it will get better.

I found out the most ridiculous thing ever today! Really makes me regret certain things to a point were it should have never happened. There is always a point to everything supposedly, but I don't see the value in this one. So I'm thinking this retarded story time should happen again cause' this time I have cooled down and just started regretting! So For some odd reason everyone was hanging out in different places (more people were at Geoff's place for some ODD reason, I really don't get why people like him.) and apparently we couldn't conjoin things because this guy I know was getting on my friend... I don't get what the problem is? I'm not a fucking bitch and I can respect what they want to do with each other. Note I still use the word "Friend" Meaning I am willing to not think about this at all and neither care or want to know about it! Its just really crappy that we cannot be friends. The worst part about this whole getting on each other bit is that they did it the other night and one of them was supposed to come hang over here! Its just so horrible that this has to happen...


The hands are pretty much how I feel... feelings are weird!

My dreams are kinda like this song...
River of Dreams by Billy Joel:

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep
I must be lookin' for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross
even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I've been looking for
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I'd never lose
Something somebody stole
I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for
(Two beat Pause)
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To the river so deep
I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night (break)

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin' to the promised land (Long Five beat Pause)

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night