It's always a good time for a new post!

I guess a lot has happened since my last post, I am no longer worried about math and physics but now a new fear has overcome my mind... Animal science....

Quite frankly, I don't think it will actually be that bad, I'm just nervous because there is so much going on I hardly have time to think about it! Since my last post I have come out as a big ol' homo, which is nice, I've seen a woman or two now which I find is significantly better than dating men. Although the same problems occur with women as they do with men, but in a different way if that makes any sense?

I feel like I should be writing about politics or something like that if I have a blog, but really I could care less... I know you probably scoffed at me being completely indifferent towards something that is so important to our way of life, but really, even if I did care it would just be more filler in future conversations and possibly reasons to dislike another person. I really don't understand why a person's interests and beliefs should cause so much grief, I understand that everyone has a point of view, but it's so strange that it can cause such massive divides between people.

Although, if you think about it, conflict is completely necessary as well. Without the bad, the good wouldn't be such feat!

Anyways onto other things... I was reading a diary that I have and I realized that I knew was gay from a long time ago, it was quite a struggle or so it seemed. Actually a couple things I found quite hilarious, I always figured that every bad thing that happened to me was the end of the world. I don't know why I thought this, but I'm sure I still do which means I haven't completely learn from my mistakes. Finally coming out has made me realize that I have to "re-learn" how to date which was almost impossible to understand when I was dating the opposite sex. I can only hope for the best (which hasn't happened yet) with the same sex. Women seem to be almost more conniving than men, their honesty and intense need for attachment baffles me. I have only seen a couple women, so this is not meant to generalize the entire lesbian/bisexual population, it's just what I have observed thus far.

I quite enjoy women, they are more exciting/enticing than any man could ever be to me. The only problem with that is my level of attachment.

I should have realized I was a lesbian after wanting to listen to "I wish I was a Lesbian" almost a thousand and one times... plus my excessive need to have plaid shirts...

Okay,

So since my last post I have begun to feel significantly better and much less morose! I am now single again (yay) and have recently been making new friends! I like being my own person I think this is what I really needed, I am also enjoying the holiday season! I love this little break, I have been able to work and get some money and also snowboard as much as humanly possible :)

So today is the day of the midterms.... Math and then physics, I can't help but feel unprepared.

I have been studying for 2 weeks now and there just seems to be so much I don't know. I've been so stressed with things other than school; although, studying at school has been helping me a lot even though it does stress me out too. I think mildly less than at home though so that's good. At least after these midterms are done I am very comfortable with my other two especially since they are separated by a day.

I just need midterms to be over so I can focus on what's bothering me a lot, or just drink heavily until I forget about it or just don't care as much anymore! I should really start running or something so I have time to think about these things and then leave them there so I can forget about them during my "actual" day.

I should just be relaxed and forget about it.

This is miserable. I need less stress right now! I'm glad I got all that stuff over with though, I think if I had my secrets still it would have been even worse for me. I should let this garbage take the backseat right now and maybe for a few more months. Sometimes I just can't help myself, I think once curiosity sets in you just want it so bad it consumes you. Very unfair.

Either way on a lighter note: Black Keys are awesome! Here are the lyrics to my favorite right now:

Tell me where you're goin',
What is goin' wrong,
I felt you leavin',
Before you'd even gone,
Hold me now,
Or never, ever,
Hold me again,
No more talk,
Could take me from this,
Pain I'm in,
Pain I'm in,

See the moonlight shinin',
On your window pane,
See it leave you,
As faithful as it came,
Please yourself,
So you don't have to,
Be afraid,
Make amends,
Or carry on another way,
Another way,
Oh~oh,

Tell me what you were thinkin',
To treat somebody so,
The care he took,
The lengths to which he'd go,
The coals are hot,
To walk across,
Without your shoes,
But in the end,
Know that you've got nothing to lose,
Nothin' to lose,
Oh~oh, oh~oh

T- 3 hours until my exam! crap!

I feel like I should blog again...

It's been such a stressful two weeks and I just want everything to be done with! I have 4 midterms coming up within a 5 day span... I hope I will pass them all because I couldn't take it if I failed! I'm not so worried about failing because I have worked really hard this semester to get good marks and keep my grades up!

I'm just stressed out with everything else in my life like money, romance and friendships! I can't seem to keep everything in check and I end up wanting things to bad I can't stop thinking about it....

Aughghh I wish I could stop it's driving me insane!!!!!

Well I decided to blog again, but I'm so slow!!!!

I don't really have a lot of spare time to just blog because I like to do it when I am absolutely alone! I joined a website yesterday and it's really interesting and insightful! It's one of those forum sites when you just chat with other people about issues and such. I have quite a few posts now and it's really exciting! More on this when I start doing more with the site!

I have study dates every week and they are super helpful, but school is still really tough, especially when you don't understand some of it! AHHH I cannot do trigonometry!!!!

I don't get why I have to take math classes when I am into biology, it's just stressful and brings my marks down :(

I don't really know what to write right now, for some reason just a bunch of thoughts are occurring, but none are sticking!

One thought that is kind of still in my head from this morning is of the dream I had last night. I can't remember the entire thing all I can really recall is me puking up raw meat because I was forced to eat it. I think all dreams are messed up. What if every dream we have is foreseeing something (relatively) related to our future? Not like I'll be literally be vomiting raw meat, but maybe I'll get ill within the next couple weeks? I don't really know, but I think Deja vu comes from previous dreams that we've had during our lives.

I hate procrastinating so much -- I have to clean more, but I've just had it and would rather be watching Charlies Angels instead.

It's really annoying that most of the things you do in life is to set up a future, but I think when you get to that future you will either be too busy to enjoy it, or will be to old to do the things you wanted to do were younger. I think life is depressing in that sense.

Okay I really should be cleaning.

One more thought -- I watched this show last night called "Storage Wars" and it's about these aged men buying out old storage lockers and finding valuables. This show shows you exactly why you have to be rich to make money and it is quite sad watching the rich guys get all the good merchandise and the poor guys always losing! I'm all for the underdog!

I want to go travelling again! (That's Colorado in the picture)

I totally forgot what it was like to blog! I was reading over all of my old posts and they are kind of exciting! Reading the last one that I posted was weird because once again I said I haven't written for a while and here I am again!

It's fun writing down my feelings I forgot what it was like, the only person who reads this knows everything about me anyways so there is no harm in writing what I feel!

I guess when you're dating somebody you're supposed to not have any secrets with them, but I'm not sure If I like that a lot, I mean there are a lot of things that a guy wouldn't get or would shrug off and probably say something like "that happened to me once, no big deal." Maybe that might just be the guy that I am dating.... Oh well... I like having my secrets and my secret feelings and suspicions, I think it kind of keeps me sane in an odd way.

Either way his mother is coming into town and I am very nervous! If the picture comes up, that's what I'm making for dinner.

Hopefully write more soon!