I've never felt so helpless before this day....

I don't think I've ever been this completely lost ever. Just in that single moment I lost every piece that was there and could not do a single thing about it. I never knew that it could all just happen like that, I thought it was all over after that, but I guess ill really never have enough. I'm not sure if I deserve this much, I was being so good and so nice! This lump in my throat just keeps on growing and growing, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Its simply impossible to live with and I don't want to do anything about it! I cannot do anything about it! That's what hurts so bad. I should not have to do anything with this.

Maybe I am overreacting a little too much and should let things fall as them may, who am I to change everything?

I wish there was no time for my mind, I need distractions or something to fill up my time. I swear to god that there's nothing I am able to do. when I think about it too much my head spins and I lose all feeling in my legs. There is not much more I can lose after this. I wish people would not lie so much it just ends up being more painful.

Time goes by way to slow...

"And how can we win?
When fools can be Kings
Don't waste your time
Or time will waste you..."

"No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive"


I had a good time at the Jingle Bell Rock concert. It was really nice and quite a bit of fun I might have to go to more concerts. I really like to mosh.

WE just got the Internet back on!

its super exciting and great because now I can do school work.... AT least maybe later some ladies might drop in and we can have a sexy time!

Either way H.I.'s third CD is out! Its called H-larious which is very liberating because this album by far took the longest. I cannot wait to start playing again though because I've been writing and playing. SO wait for H.I. album four! it will be superb.

I was listening to this song today and this line is hilarious!

"Fuck love give me fire"

So awesome and perfect.

I've seen the movie twilight twice in the past week. It was dece, but the effects were so terrible and some of the acting was very off. It was just nice to chill with the moth and nobody else.
I got to build a bear the other day. The funny thing was it was a hello-kitty doll for a lady I really do not prefer! I made my wish good though. I don't think the other believe me, but it was good.

I invited this lady that I did not know, but I wanted to get to know, over the other night for a sleepover. It was so freaking fun! She really knows how to speak and kinda hit those strings and I feel so bad for her in so many ways; people jump to too many conclusions. She is super cool though and very fun to hang out with. I feel bad judging her like I did and listening to all the slanderous things people say about her. Shes really not that bad, but I was right to assume one thing and it turned out to be true, I never judged her on it though, it really doesn't justify how I was or how I though. Its funny to think how similar we are in some things (in certain ways not like clones)

So apparently I cannot hang out with my friends girlfriend. I think she is really nice and all and I have fun with her. Unless he's planning on breaking up with her I don't see what the problem is! Especially since he claims to "love her". He shouldn't be the determining factor. He really treats her like shit, and I feel terrible because I just know something bad is gonna happen and I'm gonna be caught right in the middle. To be greedy for a second I am really happy that the Drama has shifted from me for a nice change, I hate to talk about myself