Wow its been a long time!

I literally just read over the 2009 entries on my blog and oh my goodness they are absolutely hilarious! I mean I totally forgot how 2009 went and now I remember, but I did leave out some stuff, like my crazy kinky behind the scenes Halloween, my other boyfriends from before Tom, the crazy break-ups, crazy trying of drugs, and my first time! I really leave too much out, but I guess I do have a personal journal for that stuff.
I figure when I am older and (possibly) have children I want them to read this and hopefully they will not be scared by my earlier days even though I leave much to the imagination which is probably for the better.
Right now I am in Aussie land soaking up the non-existent sun with Lauren which is super fun we rented a scooter today and I am absolutely crazy about it! I really miss my new boyfriend though a lot which is really shocking because I never thought of myself as this "missing her boyfriend" type... I like it but I don't because I actually feel like a girl and it's weird cause' I've never felt this way about a guy before and its seriously scary... Oh by the way this guy I am dating now is Eric (the one who lived out of town) but now he is living in town or he is moving there because of me and that makes me so happy! I can't wait to be home which is bad!
Tomorrow is surf day hopefully. I really wish Lauren would stop snoring because it is legit stupid hard to sleep. EFF

In the picture apparently that's an Aussie?

This is my thought processes for tonight, its kinda funny!

Things to do:

Check email in morning see if I got the Bike
Sell other bike in pieces
Find lots of money (babysitting)
Maybe get a pay advance?
Borrow a Helmet
Talk to Shannon (Maybe Ask him for cash?)
Drive bike back to city
get a F/t job
MAKE FUCK TONS OF CASH (Wish transport)
Talk about Physics
Get class schedule for medicine
I HAVE 100 EUROS!!! OMG YES That means... $137.00
So I only need $13
Scratch that, I had a random $15
SO I NEED NO MONEY!

I have to make $150

FUCK THIS I'm not going to GIVE UP! Its only the start! WTF why the hell would I give up this early? It's only ever the start I can make that much in a couple days and I will get out there and drive that fucker back into the city and it will all work out fine. I will get that new bike that runs and is street safe and I will get another job and I will make more money and be able to make enough to have fun in aussie land! AND I WILL ONLY STAY THERE FOR A MONTH AND I WILL COME BACK AND MAKE MORE MONEY! To win you must have experience, to get experience you must lose. I MADE that sacrifice for something I love and I will get it back in the end.

What is love?

I don't know what it is! I think there is something wrong with that.

"Pieces of what, doesn't matter anymore"

It's kind of weird to think that certain parts of your life end and how they do. I mean things that used to mean so much just end up not mattering anymore because its over and you can never get back to that place no matter how hard you try and no matter how many things how. It's all the same in the end.
It's also weird how you can care for something so much and you know that you're working towards nothing. What are you really trying to do when you write something, talk to someone? I mean everybody working toward the same thing.

I forgot why I had the "all business" dog on my blog.

I remember the guy I asked out it was was pretty much in a lets-make-a-business-deal tone and thinking back to that makes me laugh. I can't believe I asked someone out? I cannot believe he said yes! That was a long time ago though and he turned out to be kind of an ass towards me at least. I like the guys who are total douches and like to treat me sweetly when I'm around and opposite when I am not near them. It makes me think why I don't accept the really sweet and sensitive guys who would do anything for me and would call me or text me everyday. I think for the rest of my life I'm going to have to make Tom-Kelly decisions and my guy says that I will always pick the Tom and not the Kelly. I wish I could have picked a Kelly, and I wish now I could pick on, but it seems I can't. No choice, I will be stuck with jerks for the rest of my life.

"my lover, my maker, my breaker.
Take me by the hand.
We could go walking for miles..
once we reach the sand"

Think about that...

"Did you know what it would have done
If I would've said anything
And you take away the context
And our lives weren't the same since"

That reminds me of when people talk to each other. I mean when you speak to certain people and you explain how you feel about things and sometimes they don't feel the same way, hence taking it out of context. So people end up not saying what they want to say. Or at least that's my problem, I don't like to tell people how I really feel, I wish I could be more out there.

I think I'm going crazy from writing this essay. I still have 2 1/2 paragraphs to write tonight. I might die.

One more:

"These flowers wont live for anyone, just cause' I keep on watering them"

Hey, you, don't you think its kinda cute?

I've never heard the word "cute" used in a song before strangely enough. I kind of like it! Cute is such an awesome describing word!
I think I have terrible luck or at least lately. Yesterday I woke up ready to go to school, my alarm didn't sound, I woke up too late. Then when I finally did get up I was ready for school and everything I went out to the bus stop and then this dog comes out of nowhere and then jumps into the middle of the road! My bus came by and I decided to help the dog instead of going to school. Then my last attempt to leave the house I was going to my dance class and the I got stuck in a snowbank for an hour.
This morning also failed hard to because I ended up waiting for the bus for a good half an hour and it never came, so I missed my tutorial.
Tomorrow I will make it outside!
The other day I ventured over to my friends house and he made me dinner and also dessert! It was awesome and very delicious, I give him props.

I hate logging on and seeing nothing

Its fairly depressing. I hate working at my job its dreadful especially when you work with slackers. Sometimes it's really fun to be with some of the people, but other times its just tough and boring and it never feels like its worth anything.
I remember when I used to think of the big picture and it was scary and weird because I would always find a place where it would just have so many overlaps and so many things that it would effect what can happen. I wish I could remember how I thought back then because I was great feeling helpless and unable to change it. I liked the fact that there are things I couldn't change even if I wanted to so bad, but I guess that's only in laws of physics now. I really miss that. This Probably doesn't make much sense.
I wish I didn't over analyze what people say. I wish I could be straight forward and be selfish sometimes and have things or do things I want to do.

Either way I think Im thinking this way because I'm overtired and overworked

Gahhh!!!!

I don't know what goes through my head half the time! What's wrong with me!? I think I let myself get away with too much and I let other people get away with too much also. I mean I'm not saying I hate hearing the truth, I kind of prefer it to dancing around the point. Why though? I mean this is kind of prolonging the whole get-over-it thing. I could handle being just friends, but this is kind of pushing it. I wish I could help myself, but it turns out to be stupid difficult.

At least we had a great night.

I kind of miss those late nights, no joke and he does as well and it kind of sucks that we feel this way. Of course we have to be going in separate directions with our lives; I wish I could see what was going to happen with us or where we were going.

God I wish he didn't ask me to come and live with him. What the heck!? I mean I'm not, but seriously... Gah I don't know

Either way there is a lot of snow (over 1ft) its sick.

P.S. Lady Ga Ga is a trap.

School is really tough.

I've barely been in for so many weeks and there is already a bunch to do. Well actually not a lot its just I'm nervous about this ridiculous essay that's due on the 12 of February! It will be hard to finished because I hate writing in correct format, or at least its ridiculously painful. I really do like having stuff to do during the day i.e. School, it's very relaxing and kinda takes my mind off of a lot of junk, but I think that's also mostly because I am zoned out more than half the time I am awake. It's actually kind of weird because I don't think I have ever been continuously zoned out, this is a new thing for me! I'm not really enjoying it though because it feels like what I have been doing has just been dreams. Weird eh? Either way even when I am sleeping it feels the same as I am now (or at least I've been having wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night dreams every night)

Maybe this will pass soon?

I went to a ball the other night, it was very fun except for the fact that my shoes are about half an inch too big for me which makes dancing quite difficult. Besides the fact that I have quarter-sized blisters on my toes, the ball had tasty treats and fun music; I would recommend the ballroom dance club to anyone.
I'm downloading (yes illegally) Evolution. I love this movie so much I cannot wait to watch it! I have also been looking up tunes recently and have come across some nice hidden gems!
Weird things always happen, my ex is back in the city for a week and it feels weird but oddly comforting. I mean I really hate it when he is out of the city (this is getting me prepared for Don to leave) I kinda wish he would finish soon and come back here to live. It's just awkward how he's always away but when hes back it is very nice and he always makes a point of visiting me. I kind of like having his friendship because he is a lot of fun and I feel super relaxed around him.
Anyways I have to go and pick up the mothzor..

But I swear there's still some good in me
And I think if you stuck around you'd see
All the honest attempts at integrity, I was had
Maybe if you helped me, I'd get it right
I lie awake every night, staring at the ceiling
Wondering why I feel so bad, why I feel so bad
But I swear, I swear, I swear I'll never get sad

-ATE

I like this song a lot and I just felt like putting some of it (My favorite part) up! Well I especially love the last two lines, goodness! It reminds me of such a bad time in grade 12. I never want that to happen again!

So cut the crap
stop that shit
don't be dumb
I will love you forever

-SKWBN

Also lots of people forget this when they are together... well the last line, but it kinda just puts it nicely.

Alrighty!

So finals are over and I am so excited that we are finally into a new semester. I have the best classes, except for the one I have on Tuesday morning. There could have been two days in which I would not have to be at school. Shame. I get to play with my one friend everyday which is super cool because last semester we didn't get to see each other at all. I love being at school!
I have to go back to high school which is super lame and making me feel very uncomfortable because I don't want to have to go back and see everybody. I might just suck it up and go to Nutana and finish it super fast. I don't know!
Either way it turns out you can be friends with your ex-boyfriend... Maybe even there only friend oddly enough. That makes it a lot harder than it should be, but I always do like challenges even though they are draining and very annoying. I'm going to to my best with this because I hate being wrong and love proving things! I think I am already ready to move on and find someone new to day, but all the guys that have been asking me out I do not want... I'm not sure how this one is going to work out? Whichever way I choose to do it I think I will have a lot of fun because hey, shouldn't everything be fun? I think sad moments and happy moments are the same because either way you change from them and usually for the better. I was thinking that I regretted things the other day, but now that I think about it I wouldn't want to change anything I've done or said because I've either learned from my mistakes, found something new about myself or even decided what I wanted.

Also I was thinking about how people end up hating each other or why they never talk anymore. Just in general I think people waste time by getting angry or giving up. I know you will never meet everyone in the world which is kinda a strange feeling because we are all on the same planet, but we will never know each other! So I really want to make the most of the people I know, as in cherishing them and doing things with them no matter what. I'm alive and able to be nice to people and have moments I will forget and things I will remember for the rest of my life.

Either way Life is freaking awesome and it would be idiotic for someone who is healthy to not take advantage of it!

Love :D