It's really funny how people work.

One minute they are beating you up or calling you names and next they are sobbing about the fact that they just humiliated you and completely shot your confidence. I figure myself one of the ragdolls that are abused on a regular occasion, but I find myself getting used to the fact that people pick on me and call me names. Then again is that a good choice? I really don't find it enjoyable in the least bit because people are starting to think that I am stronger than I am, which in fact I am not even close to their projection of me. I've spent this whole weekend being verbally, and sometimes physically attacked! I don't even know what I do to deserve it because, to tell you the truth, I have been nothing but nice all week! I think my optimistic attitude has taken a toll on my poor travel buddies. Either way I have 2 more weeks of this nonsense and I think I will go back to my regular nice old people-who-try-not-to-pick-on-me friends.
School for sure is going to kick my behind because I still need to read so much, but with these new terrible mood swings I find it harder and harder to concentrate.
WHY did this have to happen now?! WHY! I wanted a nice two weeks alone with people, but then, of course, it has to be fucked up somehow! I really hate how things turn out.
Well New York city was gorgeous! especially the upper part were Central Park is!
I love New York city, but I wish my mind was clearer. recently I have not been able to think as I would normally.. Its really bothersome especially when I try and act like myself, maybe it is because I'm changing, but that would be strange really.

AHH why did I tell him that?!?!? What the hell is wrong with me!? I mean i know hes my BF but whatever possessed me to do that??? does this mean I don't trust him!? gahh I'm way to complicated...